I acknowledge that my blog is a bit, well, very thin, but I find that I dismiss ideas before I have even explored them, because I find fault with them, and this tricks me into thinking that I have no ideas - which is the end result - I have no ideas. As a result of this, I tend to keep things to myself, because I ‘m only happy to upload things that I’m happy with, which is why I’ve only uploaded things from Maya and the life drawing which I was quite happy with. I am really going to try and have a go at generating ideas and getting them out.
I find it hard to be thinking of other things while doing something else, I view each thing as a set task and when I'm doing one thing, I'm not doing anything else. This is why I find it hard to research and generate ideas - I see a piece of text as a whole piece of text and not as bits to be used separately.
I have read some of the other blogs now, and I have been thinking about myself, and what I would want to show in my self-portrait. I feel like I am myself at home, but not myself anywhere else, at least to start with anyway. Initially I visualised this as me packing and unpacking two separate parts of my personality, (one being myself and the other being shy and hidden in the background, trying not to be noticed.) When I thought about this image though, it gave the impression that I could have control over which part of me was in the box at the time, but I don’t think this is the case. A more accurate way of visualising it would be, that when I meet people or am in a new situation, it’s like building a tower that I am climbing up as I am building it, so if I fall off (e.g. if I return to a once familiar environment) I have to start building all over again.
These are just a few ideas that I might try and incorporate into the self portrait.
Hi Ethan,
ReplyDeleteIt was genuinely interesting to read your last post; I suspected that you are a perfectionist - someone who only shares the stuff he's most happy with; you're not alone in feeling this way, and for people like you who worry about 'making mistakes' or 'looking silly', this blog business can seem very unwelcome and a bit of a worry.
I'm sure Jackie has reassured you that it's okay to create work that is experimental or incomplete or unsuccessful; there is that old saying that goes 'the man who never makes mistakes, never makes anything' - and it's true. I'm going to ask you to trust me on this; the most important thing I'm looking for in my first year students is their creative development - or, to put it another way, it's not the destination, it's the journey! You must try and relax about showing your developmental drawings and externalising your ideas; this is the golden rule I want you to follow - even if it confuses you or makes you anxious - if you think it, draw it; if you think it, make it, if you think it, pull it out of your head and get it down for people to see; you are in a very safe and supportive environment here; so, yes - try and trust the process.
meanwhile, I absolutely LOVED the image of the towers; you once said to me that you 'didn't have ideas' - but that's an idea right there - more than this, it's a METAPHOR; most ideas are metaphors - an image that stands in place of an idea. I think you should think about using towers as a metaphor for your identity. I want you to look at the paintings of Giorgio de Chirico - he is a surrealist, who uses architecture to describe an experience of alienation and separateness; perhaps something in his work will 'agree' with you.
Anyway - you need to make new habits and challenge your own discomfort; you need to find new ways of making work - because ideas are your responsibility now and communicating them to others is what you're training to do! (So you need to get good at it!)
I look forward to seeing more of your ideas soon.